word sword

There was nothing wrong
There was nothing right
It was a fine line
With no curves at the edges
Seemed undetachable, strong
A bond that wasn’t light
A relation redeemed heavy
Pretty much it weighed
Came to a turning point
A cold war, an odd old fight
A game of words
To define life
A space of seconds
The answers from heart
Family, Love and Happiness
One writes
Work, Money and Luxury
Other thrives
The unbreakable
The heavy and
Undetachable
In a matter of seconds
got pierced by
By a word sword

When you know how it will end

When you know the pain to endure

You have the choice and power to avoid

But you fall for it, you neglect

Out of the possible choices

Affection and Love is what you select

 

When you know all that you need

When you had learned to dry tears

You have all the strengths one needs

But all the judgement  die into vain

To protest, to stand and to be free

You are so into, get used to of pain

 

When you know its immortality

When you know the time is short

You have energy to make changes

But all the dream you once chased

To fly, to love, to live and to feel

So naive, all become just a phase

So innocent, all become just a phase

Story

“I want to tell you a story today”, he said and waited patiently for her response.

After few minutes of silence, she took her fingertip to the edge of the page and flipped it over. Raise her head and said “Really? What kind?”

girl-reading-with-cup-of-tea

“You soon will know”, he said.

“Ok”, he said and began.

Once upon a time, she said, “wait! Wait! Stop! Stop right there, you said a story , you know how much I hate an unrealistic, cheesy fairytale.”

He was not amused when she said that, “I thought every girls like that kinda story”, he said. “Well not every girl, you see”, she said. She was confident when she said and she sounded true. Certainly, she doesn’t look like the girl who would fall for those stories where prince comes riding his horse across the jungles and saves the damsel in distress or the princess in trouble.

She was unique from others. ‘Odd and weird’ others said but peculiarity of hers is what drawn him to her. When most girls struggled in heels and tight dress, she flip flopped and clad in sweat shirts and sweat pants. Her fading-blonde-colored-hair would often get entangled in the nerdy eggy round glasses she would wear. Sometimes, outraged, she would complaint about it saying “unmanageable giantess hair, I will get rid of you completely someday”. He would often tell her to take off her glasses so that he can see her almond shaped eyes, but she would protest and say “ If I take them off I can’t see you, I have eye-sight of a granny”, and laugh.

She liked books and would make herself cozy anywhere when she holds a book. She would take her flips flops off even in public seats and start reading as if she is in her room and no one watching. She was the perfect example of being true to oneself. So, he would often ask her if she is bringing her book too when they plan to meet, so that he can decide where to meet. He liked to see her reading and to read out the words to him while he places his head on her lap. So, if she replies yes, he would often propose to meet in a park because there’s no better magic than the magic cast by book, love and nature together.

She has that rusty-dry voice which she often compares with old washing machine. But he says when she speaks she sounds very sexy and often request to sing for him. For which her reply would be “I will sing for you one day, wait for it”. He is still waiting. She had a small mole which is hidden unless you see it from underneath. He would often stare at it when she would read to him. It looks funny when she moves her mouth and makes it move and juggle a little here and a little there as if sesame seed jumps on a hot pan. He often imagines how it would look when she twists her mouth when she eats something very sour and spicy. She says she can handle spicy. But no! She just can’t. He just has to preorder something sweet if she orders something spicy.

While he was very confined and introvert she was outspoken. She didn’t mind to openly talk about her not so positive opinion about religion, politics, norms, rules anywhere with anyone. She was one quarrel bomb when ignited, just brace yourself she has all the logic to support her claims. This is one of the reasons why she had very few friends, actually just one. He remembered when she introduced him to her first time; she spent the entire time in the coffee shop staring at him. He was so scared that he even hesitated to move his eyes. Her staring made him nervous then that he  was that he befriended her too. But, now, there is no more staring and he can feel comfortable around her. There’s no more interrogation and he knew that she will have her and he won’t be there.

He had never seen her crying. Her fondness to horror, cult movies and loathing the so called cheesy love tales, explains a lot why she hardly gets emotional.

But, today he wanted to experiment. He wanted to twist and turn the once upon a time into something original, emotional to see what if and what will happen if. He was looking for a way to express what he wanted to say, a story he wanted weave, a story to tell his story. There were things he had yet to share with her, he was so much intimidated by her that he can’t think of any other ways than to tell her a story. He loved her, it’s just that. There’s no denial, no fancy fortifying and exaggerating, no decoration, it is just love. That’s why today he wanted to tell her that he was going. He couldn’t be with her even if he wanted, he had no option, and he was going. He didn’t want to but he just couldn’t and he was being taken away from her and from everyone.

“Hey! What happened? Do I have to wait longer for your story to begin? Is there something in my face that you have been staring at it for a while?” she said.

He just realized that he’s been staring at her and came to his senses.

“It’s nothing, I forgot the story, I will make one soon for you”, he said and looked outside as the waiter was serving other customers in the garden area.

“What happened to you? You are acting weird” she said and gazed down to continue reading where she left.

There is now silence as they both, him fixed with outside world and her on words in pages wait until their order arrived; a spicy chicken noodles and a chocolate ice-cream, just in case. 🙂

It started rolling
Rolled through the way
Didn’t care where it rolled
Rolled through the smooth
Rolled through the rough
Rolled hard up
Rolled fast down
Rolled when didn’t want
Rolled when none around
Rolled when world around
Rolled when happy
Rolled when sad
Rolled when sane
Rolled madly insane
With tears in eyes
With grin in sight
With pain in heart
Without gain in hand
It just rolled
And keep rolling
Life!

It kept questioning
Questioned throughout life
Never got the answers
Questions kept searching
Questioned for answers
Questioned for satisfaction
Questioned for containment
Questioned to know
Questioned why??
Questioned why not ??
So many questions but
But no answers
Why me
Why not them
Why I am me
Why not I am thee
Why not for me but
But for them
Why grief and no joy
Why pain no happiness
Why poor no riches
Why broken no strength
Why limit no infinity
Why death no eternity
Why hate no love
Just questions
A lot of ’em
Keep coming
The questions in

 

We keep holding
Holding the rights and the wrongs
Never know why holding
Held the breathing
Held the crying
Held the loving
Held the laughing
Held the nagging
Held Every
Held none
When must lived, held
When must brust, held
When must happy, held
When must know, held
Laughed, cried and nagged
Held the clean
Held the gritty
Been through the ragged
No questions
No answers
No and just no
Lived no life
Had no life
Know no life
All held
None loosen
All held

 

Rolled
Rolled and kept rolling
No answers, holding
No life, holding
Holding, life, rolling! Rolling!!

Did You Behold the Sky Tonight

Did you behold the sky tonight

The gust today wasn’t so Gusty
The cold today wasn’t so chilly
The moon just wasn’t so bright
By any chance
Did you behold the sky tonight?

The trees didn’t stood still, moved
The leaves didn’t swril down, flew
Something just wasn’t quite right
Just curios
Did you behold the sky tonight?

The clouds above didn’t sway
The river was tired and paused
What a thing, what a sight
I want to know
Did you behold the sky tonight?

My heart is ok, just not so well
Body is here, mind loves to dwell
Little I was worried, pretty uptight
Just answer me
If you did behold the sky tonight??

Rain that poured Memories

The mouse cursor which now had transformed into the shape of the letter I and the ceaseless blinking of the cursor reminded him to write something down. He still has no idea, no drafts or no motivations at all. All he did was he synced his blinks with that of the mouse cursor leaning his back on that flexible black leather chair with his hands behind his head, a fully laid back situation. His white coffee mug, which yells ‘Yes!! You Can’ was imprinted in Bold Black Letter is on the table facing the main window that faces the main street. The street has lined up shops from clothes to butcher and a big old wooden pole at the side of the street with lots of wires draped, dangling and branching out of.  The pole was the only thing that gives the street the urban vibes. There is a tea-shop with old zinc roof sitting right next to pole and complementing each other and their company to each other is ancient. The tea shop, most of the time stays crowded with people. In the distance there was a big open ground with little green patches. He has never been there and has hardly seen anything happening. He likes that place though it seems left out from the modernization, he likes it because he can witness two different sides of a city; crowded in the day and empty at night.

99cdb50cba684b457676342d3813c7ab

All he wants to do today is create something beautiful, now after all the worthless staring at the screen all he wants is to write at least something satisfying. But the mind was void and barren, unable to grow something in or drag something out. 5 mins turned into 10 and 10 turned into 30. Still nothing, not even a word and the yes you can statement on his mug seems as if it was mocking him. He looks out from the window at the street. It is raining outside. He was so lost into the monitor that he didn’t even realize that it is raining outside. Now, he wants a cup of coffee but he has been sitting there for so long that he is too lazy to get up and make one for himself.

He just sits placing his hands on his chin and keeps looking outside as far as he can see. It is drizzling outside and the visibility is poor, he tries to see as far as his sight can make. He looks at the sky, black and gloomy as if something is just not there, something incomplete, something missing. The street which is usually busy at this hour looks different today, May it’s the rain he thought. He looks at his table clock, 4:15 pm. He has been there idle for almost 4 hours, the 4 unproductive hours as he would say. He takes a long fresh air mixed with the smell of rain.

He gets distracted when the battery low notification pops at the lower right hand corner of the screen. He rises from his seat to plug in power adapter and tries reaching for the power cable at the back of the table, he sees two little girls in their school uniform crossing the tea shop on their way. The girls are sharing an umbrella. They look wet and looking from the socks and shoes it seems they came trotting on puddles on the way. They have smiles on their faces and are happy. Following those girls comes a woman with a black umbrella in one hand and lifting her sari trying to avoiding the puddles on the road with the other. Seeing how fragile her walk is, she seems old and weak too. He tries to get a glimpse of her face but the umbrella was completely blocking what he wants to see.

While he was admiring the red color of her Sari, she is out of his sight. Then, he sees an old man standing outside of the tea shop unlike others who are inside the shop, chatting and taking sips of tea in that weather. The tea!! Hmm.. Tea is best during rainy days he thought but still he didn’t bother to get up and make himself a cup of tea. The old man whatsoever was just standing, neither talking to anyone nor having tea like others. He was just looking at as the sky as though he wants the rain to stop so he can move on. He doesn’t look happy with the rain.

Now, he looks away far, where he could see some school boys in their school uniform playing football in that ground, which now looks like a field ready for plantation. Just like the little girls earlier they look happy too and carefree as they don’t seem bother with all the dirt and the mud that can get into their clothes he thought. How happy they are he thought.  The rain doesn’t seem to stopping soon he thought and finally decides to make something to drink. But just when tries to haul his eyes into his room, he sees two dogs one black and one brown with shady white patches which looks bigger too cuddling for warm just next to that old man.

That was it, now, he couldn’t help but starts thinking about his own brother who was always there when he needed. His parents who are now old and weak but still toiling to earn a living in country, his friends with whom he had spent some best time of his life and his little sister with whom he has been feeling disconnected lately.  Ohh! How he wishes if everything could only be according to his will. Just for a day, if only he could do whatever he wants just for day. Then he would do everything to live as those days.

He sees himself playing football on the field with his friends. Shouting, screaming at each other, soaked up and completely smeared inside-out in mud, he sees his friends and laughs when they slip on the mud and fall on the ground. So much fun!!

Playing and not knowing the time was the best, not to worry about anyone and not to care about anything because there is always someone who will care about you and worry about you. Almost dusk and his little sister comes to deliver the message from mother. Mother is looking for you, come home! Ahh, how easy it was and how royal it feels to have your own messenger. Tell her I am coming in 15 minutes. He never kept his promise of returning on time because he has his brother to protect him if anything goes wrong, if there comes the time to have some scolding and punishment. He can always count on his brother to back him and cover him. Not everyone is blessed with brother like mine. He signed!!

Getting late home, dirty, wet and hungry was not something regular but the love of mother was constant and unending. Before saying anything else, mother who usually adorns her in red sari and waits for us sitting by the fire says you guys must be hungry, get changed and come to eat. Life was so easy with mom. The warmth of her love had won over all the cold and has been the motivation to live another day like today. Just like today, playing, friends, fun, easy meal and mother’s love.

Father has always been busy, He works in the field all day long and as soon as he sees us in the house, he says did you read? Why does he always cares about reading so much? Why can’t he be like mother? So strict! He is always serious and forces us to study, don’t know what’s his problem is. He doesn’t know how hard it is to study. Always, always read, read, read. Just, because we are afraid of the father figure, we would sit near the fire with our book open and loud read the words from the pages. We would wait for the dinner and go to sleep. We always see father very busy, tired and not jolly.

Only two blankets and only two beds for five lives in the house but still it is enough for all of us. Sleeping with brother is fun, he tells story sometimes, horror. Scary but fun! And sister usually sleeps with mother and father as she is still very small and we I am all grown up so I sleep with my brother. The cold night in the small house feels not so bothering and wait for another day seems easy.

“Get lost!!” you filthy dogs!!

That scream of the tea-shop owner not only scare the two dogs away but also ushers him from his home to reality.

Suddenly he comes back to his senses, his real world far from his village. He is not with his brother. The kids playing in mud are not his friends, the old man waiting for the rain to stop isn’t his father and the woman in red sari isn’t his mother. He was drifted off into his memories from reality for a moment. But now he is back in his room, alone and sad. The room which he liked all of a sudden feels cold and vile. The room was always like that, nothing changed. The only difference is that the blinking of the mouse curser had lost into the black curtains of the monitor just like his memories are lost in the reality.

Finally, he gets up and heads towards kitchen to make himself a tea.

 

**note: I do not own the photo by any means.

A Little More- A short Story

They were loading the boxes filled with their essentials into the truck. The final preparations, the final arrangements, the final checklist before they move out. The curtain at her window was still shut and the windows locks were still firmly locked. She could see the lights entering piercing through the tightly woven threads of the curtains and and even imagined that they are moving from this room to that; the boxes are filling really fast and the worker were working really fast. But she didn’t dare to take a peek to what is happening in the house next door.
Oh!! How much she wished if everything can be played in slow motion so that she can have more time, just a little more time to think.
She was still angry about the night before. So angry that she didn’t even want to bid the last farewell. So tucked up inside her rage, she was missing the coat of their love crumbled somewhere inside. She knew he had to leave, it was not his choice nor his decision to move. But even she didn’t expect that he would leave her like that and the time would come this soon. What was stopping her from seeing him for the last time? Was it the anger for what he did to her or was it her insane love?
“I acted like a child, I was such a fool to get angry over on a small matter like that. It was just a birthday that he missed and didn’t even call me or met me just for a day. But how can he do something like that? How can he forget my birthday and didn’t let me about his whereabouts? But later he said sorry too many times too and i was the one who gave cold shoulder, even deleted his number and asked not to contact me from here on.I have said so much, may be too much but he always came back. May be I have said too too much this time. May be I upset him more than he did me”, she said to herself still rolled in her blankets with “Rapunzal” designs imprinted on.
“But what was all the things happened yesterday? Hi! I am moving! That’s it? Is that all he could have said in that moment? But wasn’t I the one to stop him and asked him not to talk any further? What about a sincere sorry? A sorry could have been enough, just a simple sorry after all those i am sorry he uttered before. Just I am moving and no details what so ever. He is the one who is not serious about anything at all. I could have forgave him the moment but he is too arrogant to say a simple sorry”, she murmured.
“But what about I? I could have asked him few more follow up questions when he said he was moving. May be I am the one who is not serious about all these and I am the with arrogance, so despo to look for a sorry from the man I loved. What do i do now? Should I go to see him and tell him that I forgive him and ask all little details about where, why is he moving or maybe I can stop him from moving.”, she continued to talk in her room alone.
Thinking he will come to see her one last time to say good bye, she decided to wait a little longer. “I will forgive him the moment he comes to say his goodbye”, she said and waited a little longer. But still she didn’t force herself to a little more to get off the bed and see him from the window.
She wanted to see him but not on her own will but his. Just a little longer and he will be here. The minutes were desperate and anxiety was building inside her. It was just a little push. It was just a little effort and little more feeling of love she needed to break the snares that was holding her back. But what she did, waited, just a little more for him to come to her. She heard the doors being shut next door and she said “ just a little longer and he will be here any moment”.
Then Suddenly!!The engines started outside followed by two loud horns.
Her heart sank a little deeper. A little more time she took to soaked everything that happened in those few seconds. She didn’t dare to open up the curtain but she rushed down to her front door. The truck he was in was in sight but was far enough for her calling go unheard. She called his name a few time and even ran barefoot to the end of her lawn. She needed some air to catch her breath with all that running and shouting.
“He didn’t even care to look back”, she said to herself finally with a little more pain in her heart.

S/on/he

Son was too young
To understand
To think
To do
Is what they thought
Young he was
But naïve
Definitely not

Son knew the reasons
Understands
The circumstances
That’s why
Son didn’t complain
Didn’t said
I am
Hungry
Cold
Or why?

The day it rained
Son was there
In the corner
Hungry
But relaxed
Son knew
His father was sad
Mother was ill
And felt
Things are going bad

When father went out
Son followed behind
When father stood
In silence
He realized
Mother was pain
Son couldn’t stand
There in vain
Son came back
In hope
Father comes back
Back at the home
Mother
Too
Was silent
Motionless
Scared of something
Something
Uncertain
Son said something
She didn’t respond
Son
Slowly sensed
The breaking
The breaking
Of
The love bond

Son didn’t say more
Just sat by her side
Soon he fell asleep
Drifted
In dreamy ride
Mother
Sitting in the shades
Father
Running by his side
Dreamy it was dreamy
A very happy ride

The food was on table
Mother on the chair
Father enter the room
With soaked hair
These were just enough
Everything Son wanted
Father
Mother
Happiness
Less the Son knew
He was
Still drifting
Air

Soon the dream was over
Son woke up
Woke up
With a smile
The place
He was at
Looked clumsy
Dirty
Vile

Searching for his presence
Son looked around
Father was not there

Where he sleeps
The usual place
The muddy
Dirty ground
Careful not to wake up
Fast asleep mother
Son tip toed
Out of the house
In hope
Of
Return
Love
Food

Starving for the night
Tired
Lurking around the slums
Son looked
Searched
Not the food
But
Father,
Father
Who didn’t came around

It is just morning
Said the Son’s psyche
Father will be back
Until tonight
Things will be normal
Mother will be fine
Said the Son’s psyche
And
Played .. and played…

Sometime in the meantime
Son saw his mother
Walking on the bridge
He stood still
In fear
The fear
Engraved by father

Letting his father go
Son thought
He could have
Stopped him
Now,
Son didn’t want
It
Happening again

Son ran to limit
To reach his mother
Son
Stood
Still
and scared
When couldn’t Find her
Manned up
Cried like a child
But cried inside

Suddenly
From the crowd
Son recognized the scarf
He smiled
Took a step aside
Saw
Mother passed by
Lighted as he felt
He flew to his pals
Still in
Hope of return
Son
Played… and Played…

The shadows
Of
Trees
Houses
Pals
Grass
Became longer
Son reckoned
It’s time to return
Unboreable became
The hunger

Son walked to his home
With
Light feet
Delighted heart
Hungry tummy
Satisfied heart
Nervous brain
Hopeful heart

Son stopped
Waited in silence
To listen
Two voices
Talking
Laughing may be
Or
For then
Crying maybe
But
The house was
Silent as a grave

Maybe they are sleeping
Said Son’s Psyche
Slowly pushed the door
To take a look
InsideS

S/He

The pouring slowed
But
Didn’t stop
So does the questions
In her heart
What is he up to now
Where is he?

In darkest of the midnight
The strength
Of the wind
In her body
Forced door open wide
From the bed she rise
She peered to the door
Only the wind
Nothing more

The lock was broken
She realized
She turned to bed
Look she said
Sad she became
When no one was there
Where is he?
A night struggled by
She had worries
Dismay
Fear
Wait
In her eyes
He will be back,
Won’t he?
She questioned
But didn’t cry

The pain in her leg
Jumped right back in
She bent her fingers
To count
The days
Without medicine
She has been

The timing was right
The pain
The hunger
Hurdles in
She can’t live like this
If not for mine
For him
She said
And rose from the bed

She foraged through
The boxes
The can
The jars
Nothing she found
I could have managed
If only
I can plod around

From underneath the pillow
She fetched a wrapping
Slowly
Carefully
It was unfolded
A gift
He might remember
Doesn’t he?

From underneath the layers
A silver earring was in sight
She placed it in her palm
Limped to door
To see it
Better
And for one last time

From under the bed a stick she pulled
A tattered shawl
On her head
Then
She moved
Out of her home
Till the shop
She anxious
To hear her name
From him
In hope

No name was called
Not much money
For the possession
She brought
She had no choice
But to be thankful
He couldn’t do this,
Could he?

She was back with handful of things
But without her gift
Miserable she felt
For being like this
She never dreamt
Of luxury
Nor of a single ring
Love is all
She ever cherished

The strength of love
The support
From him
Her son
Kept her strong
Kept her going
Now shattering
Trembling down
Helpless
Scarred
She sat down
He didn’t leave us,
Did he?

The thoughts outnumbered
By the second it passed
The pain engulfed
With every breathe in
The agony
Crept
Slow
Clam
Patiently in her body
Then in her head
She bore it no longer
Then leaned by the bed

Everything was in motion
For her the time froze
Love
Affection
Care
Flow of power
Froze
Motionless
Body
Mind
Impatient
Heart
He is feeling the same
Isn’t he?

She laid there in temporal anxiety
Betrayed by love
Challenged by malady
Fooled by heart
Paralyzed from body
She waited in silence
For his return
Hope wish pray
All she embraced

She was there
He wasn’t there
She was waiting
He didn’t care
She hoped
He didn’t believe
She stayed
He vanished!!

#tobecontd…..

He

Things were pretty tough
He knew
In hope
Things getting better
He lived

Things were still tough
He felt
It was love
He got strength
He lived

Things were changing
He looked
He dreamed
He tried adjusting
He survived

Time… time…. Time…
Passed
Day and night
He struggled
Helpless he felt
Support he got
He managed

Things changed
He reckoned
He realized
Things were still the same
He broke

Now, the time
Everything as ever before
The pain
The hardship
The struggle
The love
Him
The hunger
No strength to bear them longer

He looked around
He saw nothing
Nothing
But
The shadows
The shadows that mocked
The family that loved
The expression of faces
Miserable and inconsolable

He frowned
Rose from the ground
He stood
He choked
He didn’t think he could
He smiled
With teary eyes

He approach
Almost slipped
Near the rickety door
And
“I will back”, he said
As eye to eye farewell he paid

Soon he came out
He felt
The breeze
The rain
And a ton of weight
On his head
He walked

He didn’t look back
Down the alley
Across the bridge
Sweating
Crying
In rain
He walked

At the edge of the bridge
He stood
He wiped his tears
Flicked his wet hair
For quite some time
Just, he just stood there
But
Couldn’t turn back

Still standing in silence
He cried inside
Tears bubbled in eyes
Came down
By the rainy ride
He still cried

Soon were hours passed by
The rain slowed
The dawn hurried
He started walking
Into the dark
Leaving no footprint
Leaving no tears
Behind
To track him down

Along the road….
His heart said RETURN!
His mind said DON’T!
He listened
And said
No I won’t

Along the road
Towards the alley he walked
Reluctant
Despaired
He trod
Slowly in the shadows
He entered
First the feet
Then the back
Then the head
He vanished!!

#tobecontd…..